February 6, 2014 § Leave a comment
Yesterday my teacher asked us to tell the class a story that has impacted our lives. I mean, where do I begin? Every day impacts my life greatly. I heard stories about death, divorce, love, support and all I could think about was, “Am I the only one that thinks I impact myself the most?” Yes, I have had really shitty things happen to me… But so has everyone else.
So, I proceeded to tell a story about alcohol, a bar, the time of day at the bar and having the realization of, “What the F**K am I doing with my life?” I have to point out that I am the oldest one in this class and I sometimes feel like I am the one who is the most lost. Every single person in the room looked at me like I was a degenerate.
Um, hello – I work, I go to school, I support myself; I was just indulging a little too much… I also want to point out that I don’t have an alcohol problem; I sometimes just like to keep drinking (yes, I know how that sounds)… But it’s always on a day where I have nothing to do the next day so I’m allowed to be hung over all day, right?
Anyways, back to my point.
The reason this story impacted me so much was because, I am the one who is in control of my life. I am the one who has the ability to change what I don’t like. There is a quote from my guilty pleasure show, Hart of Dixie, that says, “Change your picture, or change your life.”
I have always pictured in my head that the woman I would become is successful, a mom, a wife, a creative mind in some sort of way, and most of all happy. And I wasn’t any of those things. I mean, I don’t want to be a wife or mother for sometime but I really want to be happy and I wasn’t.
I either needed to accept that my life was going to be filled with partying, no direction, and a constant cloud over my head or I needed to do something different. I needed to hold myself to a higher standard and not continue to blame my actions on the ones around me.
I chose to change my life.
The story about the bar took place about three years ago and I am still trying to figure everything out; but looking back on where I was then and where I am now is such a transformation. I still struggle constantly but I know that I am headed in the right direction and the best part is, I am happy.
January 23, 2014 § 1 Comment
This past weekend was amazing with one minor hiccup. That one minor hiccup could have ruined the whole weekend. I am one of those people that will try to plan for everything but when one thing doesn’t go right I can be pretty brutal on myself. I was being emotional and not very fun but because of my amazing friends and boyfriend, they pulled me out of my anxieties and told me everything would be fine – and it was. It was better than fine, it turned into such a great weekend.
We headed up to the North Coast and spent a day riding the Skunk Train. With wine and crab and gorgeous weather, I couldn’t have asked for a better day (besides that hiccup). There were long walks on the beach (not joking), mimosas, football and laughs that will last me a lifetime.
I am so thankful to be so fortunate to have people around that support me at weakest and forgive me at my worst. So cheers to many more memories with forever friends.
Riding the Skunk Train
January 9, 2014 § Leave a comment
This time last year, we were in Mendocino for Wine and Crab Week. It is honestly one of the best weekends I have ever had. I am so excited that we are making the trip again next weekend with the same friends we went with last year. As we start to prepare for the trip, I went through some of my old photos and wanted to share a few just to get me even more excited. We have the same itinerary as last year which is to wine taste through Napa and Anderson Valley on our way even farther north.
The weather started out cold, rainy and wet but Zach and I were able to make the most of it by picking out wineries we had never been to before. Have you ever been to Coppola Winery? It is like a little museum filled with memorabilia from the Coppola family.
Once we made it to Mendocino though, the skies cleared up and we had the most epic time. We rode the Skunk Train, played darts at at a local bar, listened to an amazing, impromptu concert and finished the most annoying puzzle I have ever tried. I literally cannot wait for next Thursday to be here to make it happen all over again.
December 19, 2013 § Leave a comment
I have talked before about how it is taking me forever to get through school but this week marks one more semester off my list. I now have 4 more semesters to go and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
This semester was one of the busiest semesters I have had with my internship, weddings galore, regular work and school and it was one of the best ones I have ever had. I was able to keep my head above water (most of the time) and focus on what was happening in present time instead of worrying too much about the future.
I tend to get so caught up with where I “should” be in life that I forget about being proud of where I actually am. I know I have friends that are well ahead of me in the process of life but that doesn’t mean that I am not exactly where I should be now. It took me a long while to realize that I should not compare my life to anyone else’s or not to judge myself if I don’t get an A on my project. There are times where I feel like I care too much and other times where I don’t care enough… And that’s okay.
December 2, 2013 § Leave a comment
We all know the saying… “Just let it go.”
Does anyone actually know where that came from? Or is it just a phrase that people say when they aren’t the ones who are actually dealing with ‘it?’
I have super high anxiety. If things don’t go the way I planned them to go, it can sometimes be hard for me to think quickly and reanalyze the situation. I believe that I have gotten much better than I have in the past but sometimes I just need to walk away.
The holidays are a prime time for my anxiety to kick into high gear. I make lists upon lists that are there to help me prepare for anything that can go wrong but there are things you just can’t predict.
Thanksgiving dinner went off without a hitch, I was actually so proud of myself. It was a comment someone had made after dinner that I had not prepared for that threw me off my game. A question was asked and when I answered, they said a very judgmental comment that made me defensive and upset. My anxiety was in high gear. I just said that I did not want to talk about it any further and moved on from the situation. Everyone seemed to have moved on but I could not get the comment out of my head. I did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, raked the driveway and finally realized I just needed to let it go.
It’s exhausting to be mad. There are only so many things you can be prepared for and at the end of the day if you don’t let some of those things go, you’ll deplete yourself. Taking time out for myself to think about the situation and realize that it wasn’t worth it, helped me let the comment go. Sometimes it’s not so easy… What are your tips and tricks for ‘Just letting things go?’
November 18, 2013 § Leave a comment
The last couple weeks have been hectic and I know they are only going to get crazier with the holidays coming up. I think Zachary and I have something planned every weekend until February and although I love to be busy, it can be pretty stressful at times.
This past weekend was the only weekend I didn’t have a single thing planned. I mean, I had to work at the restaurant but I am so used to it that I don’t count that as something on the “To Do” list. We didn’t have any events, no celebrations, one of my finals was due last week so my homework is pretty light, and I was really looking forward to doing nothing… Then my best friend called and asked if I wanted to come to girls wine night.
I used to have an extreme fear of missing out. I always wanted to be at everything and would lose sleep over not being invited somewhere. I think as I have grown up and aged a bit, I realize the importance of alone time and having time to do “nothing.” I told my best friend thank you for the invite but I just couldn’t make it. She asked why? I told her frankly, “I just want one night in my pajamas catching up on my DVR.” Without hesitation she said, “I totally understand, that sounds magical.”
Saying no is okay and sometimes necessary. I had a really rough semester about a year ago where I was always saying yes and overexerting myself; I paid the price with a few meltdowns and I refuse to ever let my head, or heart, get back to that point. I really needed that one night to sit on my couch and relax. I have been on the go so much lately that having time to myself to not answer emails, worry over homework or even entertain friends was crucial to keeping my sanity.
Plus saying ‘no,’ makes the ‘yes’ events much more enjoyable
November 6, 2013 § Leave a comment
I went to Paris my junior year in high school. I was sixteen going on twenty-two and thought I knew everything. I had just passed my AP French test and my dad sent me off with my classmates and French teacher to put my knowledge to use. I had an absolutely amazing time. I truly feel that trip changed my life. Anytime my family discusses the trip, my dad comments that it is the best money he ever spent and even though I laugh, I am so grateful for it. Paris is a magical place and if I were to go back… Scratch that… WHEN I do visit Paris again (well everywhere in France for that matter), I would love to go in the fall. I know that I won’t be able to do this in the near future so for now, I have these beautiful to pictures to dream of.
All images via pinterest