February 6, 2014 § Leave a comment

2.6.14 Impacts

Yesterday my teacher asked us to tell the class a story that has impacted our lives. I mean, where do I begin? Every day impacts my life greatly. I heard stories about death, divorce, love, support and all I could think about was, “Am I the only one that thinks I impact myself the most?” Yes, I have had really shitty things happen to me… But so has everyone else.
So, I proceeded to tell a story about alcohol, a bar, the time of day at the bar and having the realization of, “What the F**K am I doing with my life?” I have to point out that I am the oldest one in this class and I sometimes feel like I am the one who is the most lost.  Every single person in the room looked at me like I was a degenerate.
Um, hello – I work, I go to school, I support myself; I was just indulging a little too much… I also want to point out that I don’t have an alcohol problem; I sometimes just like to keep drinking (yes, I know how that sounds)… But it’s always on a day where I have nothing to do the next day so I’m allowed to be hung over all day, right?
Anyways, back to my point.
The reason this story impacted me so much was because, I am the one who is in control of my life. I am the one who has the ability to change what I don’t like. There is a quote from my guilty pleasure show, Hart of Dixie, that says, “Change your picture, or change your life.”
I have always pictured in my head that the woman I would become is successful, a mom, a wife, a creative mind in some sort of way, and most of all happy. And I wasn’t any of those things. I mean, I don’t want to be a wife or mother for sometime but I really want to be happy and I wasn’t.
I either needed to accept that my life was going to be filled with partying, no direction, and a constant cloud over my head or I needed to do something different. I needed to hold myself to a higher standard and not continue to blame my actions on the ones around me.
I chose to change my life.
The story about the bar took place about three years ago and I am still trying to figure everything out; but looking back on where I was then and where I am now is such a transformation. I still struggle constantly but I know that I am headed in the right direction and the best part is, I am happy.



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